Michelle Buteau

New Blog!!

2012-01-12T11:44:00.001-08:00

Check out & follow ...

WWW.THINGSYOUSHOULDKNOWWITHMICHELLEBUTEAU.BLOGSPOT.COM

I tried to make the name longer, but couldn't.

Catch Michelle Buteau on Graham Norton's "Would You Rather..."

2011-12-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

Saturday, December 3rd
BBC America
11pm/10c

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Video!
http://youtu.be/aw-pse-0-TA
Watch an exclusive sneak peek from the series premiere of BBC America's new original comedy panel show WOULD YOU RATHER...? WITH GRAHAM NORTON - and learn whether iconic pop star Cyndi Lauper would rather live the rest of her life with Darth Vader's Voice... or Alvin the Chipmunk's voice?

WOULD YOU RATHER...? WITH GRAHAM NORTON *** Premieres Saturday Dec 3 at 11pm/10c *** with back-to-back episodes - following an all new episode of The Graham Norton Show with guests Robin Williams, Elijah Wood and Jennifer Saunders.

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Tonight. 8pm. Sexy stories, for ladies only..

2011-11-06T12:58:00.001-08:00

Trust.

2011-11-01T14:13:00.001-07:00

The Michelle Show!

2011-08-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29TH!

I'll be hosting a comedy fest of all funny ass Michelles. Wh-at.

Featuring:

Michelle Biloon from The Late Late show with Craig Kilborn.
Michelle Collins from Gossip Queens on LOGO & every Vh1 talking head show ever.
Michelle Balan - your favorite lesbian finalist from Last Comic Standing.

Hosted by moi.

I mean, this show is gonna be stupid.

Thursday, September 29th
10pm
M Bar (get it?!)
Vine & Fountain

$5 online
$10 at the door

email comedybrewry@gmail.com for free tickets. Cause I love you that much.

Cute.

Dog sitting.

2011-07-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

I don't have a dog, but make a lil' extra cash by walking dogs. I don't have a dog, but I get my fix, then can send them home. This dog is my fave. Don't tell anyone. Look at this face! Who wouldn't want to breatfeed this dog?

Calm down. It's a joke. But look at that face!

Le Buteau on Lopez Ce Soir!

2011-07-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

Lopez Tonight! June 22nd!

2011-06-18T10:49:00.001-07:00

I'll be making my late night stand up debut on Lopez Tonight this Wednesday!

Check it out on TBS, midnight!

My fruit salad had a camel toe.

2011-03-27T00:06:00.000-07:00

And I was trying to be all cute & get my Jennifer Hudson on', eating healthy.
EWE.

I'm GTF'n in Jersey! Shut.Up.

2011-03-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

Lopez Tonight ...

2011-02-21T21:32:00.000-08:00

Check Check Check It Out!

I'm sorry, I can't afford a Ferrari ...

2011-02-21T21:30:00.000-08:00

This was my most favorite parts of the Grammy's. Oh hell yes it was.

The Ho & Buteau Show!

2011-01-16T13:37:00.000-08:00

Check out www.thingsyoushouldknowwithmichellebuteau.blogspot.com for udpated news & views!

In the meantime, in between time, come to this show! And tell yo' friends!

I'M JUST SAYING TV! The Mel Gibson episode, get into it.

2010-12-25T19:41:00.000-08:00

Art Walk. Los Angeles.

2010-11-27T18:42:00.000-08:00

Every 1st Thursday of the month, downtown Los Angeles has Art Walk. It's very trendy, sexy, cool. There's a whole lotta art, but not as much walking. If you're scared to come downtown, because of, well, skid row, you should be! No, but for reals, just keep to the blocks that have the hipsters, and you'll be ok. It's free fun, and you'll learn something/someone new. Spread the word bird! Don't judge.

I'll be covering the next art walk - stay tuned!

NBC Diversity, Comedy, Russell Peters, and me. Shut up.

2010-11-27T18:32:00.001-08:00

The Diversity Program is having their annual showcase, and Russell is hosting!! Um, are you sitting? I'm closing the show. Say word. What should I wear? And better yet, do I need to learn an Asian accent? Excitement!

Thee 411 hun:

For more Buteau updates, check out the new blog @ www.thingsyoushouldknowwithmichellebuteau.blogspot.com

Hey Hey - if you're looking for headshots n stuff..

2010-10-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

I don't usually advertise, but since it's my awesome husband's business, here ya go!

Check out WWW.THATHEADSHOTGUY.COM if you or someone you know is looking for new, funky, fresh pics. No cornball looks allowed, sorry. Get into it.

This could be the best sign. Ever.

2010-10-15T00:06:00.000-07:00

New Blog!

2010-10-12T16:37:00.001-07:00

Hey home slices!

Thank you for visiting my blog! I've moved to a new one, please visit, join, spam it, do whatever you've got to do to feel good bout' yaself! That's right, my new blog is an only child and needs some attention ...

WWW.THINGSYOUSHOULDKNOWWITHMICHELLEBUTEAU.BLOGSPOT.COM

Lookin' forward to it!

Haaaaay.

It's a show on a boat!

2010-10-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

Shut up! Comedy cruise - without the buffet and sweaty couples! Haaaay.

So gross.

2010-04-23T17:10:00.001-07:00

Right when I was about to eat dinner, i cut my broccoli and found a worm in it!!!
So. GROSS. I'm not getting paid for this, but hello -- don't forget to wash your veggies!!! A. Worm. So much for trying to eat healthy.

Airplane Ride.

2010-04-05T23:28:00.000-07:00

I was on a flight the other day. I was sitting next to a lady and her baby. The lady started sobbing. I asked if she was okay. She said she was getting a divorce and was leaving. I said I'd be moving my seat to 36C, if you'd like to talk that's where I'll be.

This is why you can't take me anywhere.

2010-03-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

This is a video my boyfriend shot of me at Carnival in Rotterdam, Holland.
2 beers and I'm auditioning for Dancing with the Stars. No judgement.

If you're single ... check this site out!

2010-03-06T17:40:00.000-08:00

It's a lil undergound, but I've heard great things.

You better be able to pass a drug test. what what.

http://dearmrsd.com/

Let me know how it works out!

Wife Swap! Do it!

2010-03-06T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm completely obsessed with this show! It's about 2 families who swap wives/moms for 2 weeks. One week they have to live by the family's rules, then the other week they have to make up their own rules. I'm sayin, if you have have nothing to do for 4hours one day, catch the season block. It's redunk. When I googled images for wife swap, it was all yucky oddy body group sex cell phone pics! Ewwwwww.

Wow, Bow Wow.

2010-01-04T11:06:00.000-08:00

Aight, really? I spent the New Years in Holland, all the way across the ocean, and still managed to hear that Bow Wow (formerly lil bow wow, ha, heeello?) was drunk driving and lived to text about it. Um, Really? Is whatever you're doing really text worthy in the car? Let alone drunk!?

Im f**ked up!!! = I am drunk.
Y i drive the lambo = I am driving my lamborghini now. I should not be.
Chris might have to drive after next spot = As in, I'm driving it right now, while tweeting, and I'm so trashed I think I'll ask Chris Brown to drive next....

Um, yeah, doesn't Chris Brown have some more weeds to wack or some sh*t?

I'm not sure why this really bothers me so much... is that Lil Bow Wow grew up too quickly? Or that grown up Bow Wow was driving drunk? Or that he was hanging out with Chris Brown? Or that he has a twitter account? Or is that I know about it?

Pull ya pants up man.

I ran a half marathon in Las Vegas. Shut the f up. Part #1.

2009-12-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

My friend turned 35 on December 2nd, same day as Britany Spear's birthday, yeah I don't know why I don't that either. My friend also just had a baby in January.

She was in labor for 60 whole f'ing hours. I've never done anything for 60 hours except for breathing. I have no kids, no pets, no plants, so I can't relate on any levels, what so ever. My friend also can't drink, 2 comsos and she's dancing to no music and feeling nauseous when we get home. When she asked to me run a marathon with her, I thought hell to the yes, gawd damn, let's get white girl skinny. I said it.

I was also excited because it was something we could do together! Let's not get it twisted though, she's one of my best friends and there are MANY things we can do. These things mostly involve Thai food restaurants, the Cheesecake Factory, and talking sh*t for hours. No judgements, please.

This was perfect for me because I run all the time, and by running all the time, I mean I do a half ass jog 2 or 3X's a week, and by that, I mean more like 2X's.

So there we were, 2 non-runner/half joggers in Sin City at 5:30am in pants that weren't really pants, camel toe 'a blazin', with professional the Elvis look-a-like runners fixing their wigs, The Drag Queen Team doing split stretches I didn't even know were possible, and a very cute yet very annoying team of runners dressed up in wedding clothes - brides and grooms in the hundreds said their vows and ran the full marathon too. No joke. Um, it was one of the best days of my life.

The run was hard, but entertaining. The road was flat, the buildings were high, and I was freezing my tits off.. in Vegas. Who knew?

The last mile I got a little teary-eyed. I looked over at my friend and said "We're really doing this, we're reeeeally doing this!" She shot back - "Lock it up bitch, we're almost at the finish line." Yikes. So much for my Oprah moment.

When we crossed that finish line, I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. My friend grabbed my hand and put it up in the air with hers running under that banner. We the finished the race in 3 hours and 6 minutes. Old people were walking faster then us. There were hardly people left in the race besides the obese. But we didn't care. We did something we had never done with our bodies, together. We finished hard. Like 2 skinny white girls. Awesome.

This is what we look like after 3 hours of running! Haaay.

It's On with Alexa Chung! Haaaaay.

2009-11-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

<a href="http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/alexa_chung/series.jhtml" target="_blank">It's On w/Alexa Chung: What's Happening (9.1.09)</a>

It's On w/Alexa Chung: What's Happening (9.1.09)

Haitian Sensations!

2009-07-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

I found this video on youtube, it had my name tagged on it.
I think it's the cutest thing ever. Check it!
haaay...

The Netherlands like Jamaica. Oh yes they do.

2009-07-10T14:32:00.001-07:00

This summer I'm spening my summer in Amsterdam, Holland. Dat's right. It's an amazing city, however, the few times I've watched television I'm always looking for the English channel. Although most of the commercials are in Dutch, I came across this cellphone add that had a Bob Marley tune. My first reaction was all "This is so racist!" Now every time I hear on the television, I've got to admit, it makes me a little happy. My mom's Jamaican, and so it's nice to hear a lil' reggae every once in a blue in Holland..but I still think it's so inappropriate. Y tu?

Check it! haha....

Address the Mess! - with Kurt Braunohler et moi!

2009-05-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

This recyling event was sponsored by Comedy Central - it was super fun and we helped to reduce a carbon foot print for one of the Octo Mom's kids. Shut up!

Black People Don't Do Yoga. Really?

2009-04-27T09:11:00.001-07:00

Yes honey, it's about that time of year, the weather is getting warmer and ladies have to get bathing suit friendly. Ew. I've been excersing alot latetly, and although I'm all about the gym and the park, you've got to switch it up bit, so I decided to go to yoga. Yes, I said it, I'm going to yoga. A black woman, who is not Oprah or Gayle is going to Yoga, say what? Say yes. And do you know how hard it is trying to get one of your sista girl friends to come to yoga? It's like pulling teeth from an actorwith no health insurance. I got alot of , "what? come'on nah, you know we don't do yoga..", "or, damn, you trying to work it out like a a skinny white girl" and my favorite - "i mean, really? now isn't that like a substitute for sex or somethin'?" -- Well let's break it down for minute - why wouldn't we practice yoga? Cause it's too expensive? There are cheap places, in fact I found a place that's free, it's a suggested donation, check out www.yogatothepeople.com - Is someone losing their black card for going to yoga? I mean, what's a little stretching and heavy breathing have to do with being black? If we're getting into crazy beliefs n sh*t, then what about people telling us we shouldn't listen to rock & roll? Or have interracail relationships? Or read? Or vote? I mean please, we gonna believe everything someone tells us we should/shouldn't do? You know what other black people do yoga?

Okaaay? Music and fashion mogul, Russell Simons ...

And guess what? There's even a style of yoga called Egyptian Yoga, I mean, how black can you get it? I found it on this website, check it:http://www.blackvoices.com/blogs/2008/03/12/five-benefits-of-a-yoga-workout/

So next time bredgrin, please think twice about going to yoga and experiencing something very cute and healty! Cha mon.

New Year. New Body. Okkkay?

2008-12-31T06:12:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting up in the Heathrow Aeroport in London, after a very long but cute three weeks in Europa, - I'm trying to sit comfy in these cheap ass seats, whilst avoiding the smells of holiday diapers, ya know, breathing thru my mouth, eating oats and dried fruits, constantly translating the military time on the departures board in my head so I don't miss my flight which is still two hours away..the point? Well..there really isn't one. In an international airport, you have tons of things to do, actually, but you never end up wanting to do any of them. Worrying about getting home for New Year's Eve on time tonight in New York has probably aged me by two years at least. The most overrated night ever has become my most favorite! Thanks to champagne, H&M clearence dresses, and a new attitude. It's so cheesy, but true - It's not what you do with the night, but the rest of the year. Aww yeah, I feel an Orpah moment coming on. Again, the point? That there isn't one. If you had to look back on the last 12 months, what would you say about them? About yourself? Are you still going to be going to lunch with annoying co-worker? Will you take people's compliments with just a thank you? Are you going to try not to over eat? Put all those pictures in the books? Spend more time with the kids? Stop buying rounds so people will like you? Shit. Well..again, not sure what I'm getting at, I've just been in an airport for a very long time, mostly the whole year actually - but, if I had to describe my last 12 months .. it's be "Really? Shut up." ha. Take that as you wish. Pointless blogs. I love em'. I'll be in the corner giving free hugs to the bathroom cleaning lady.

Bumbershoot. Bumba-clot!

2008-09-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Gawd. Guess who went to Seattle for the first time? Um, chea..me..and it was AWESOME. I performed in the 2008 Bumbershoot Music & Arts Festival, kind of like a West coast Bonnaroo, but not. I had the best time! And let me say one thing I loves about Seattle, is the diversity, and by diversity, I mean I've never seen such a diverse group of white people, ha. Shut up. So? I felt exotic, for reals. On the real side, the people I met in Seattle were tres cool - liberal, open-minded, kind of conservative free spirits that love granola if ya pickin' up what I'm laying down. Another thing I loves about Seattle, the weather. It was a cool crisp, warm in the sun, and cool in the shade, everyday was a good hair day, and that will always be a good day, please. I was supposed to open for Zach Galifinakis(www.zachgalifianakis.com) but he canceled last minute, so instead I worked with David Cross and Jeanne Garofalo, who were a stupid amount of fun. Check out www.bumbershoot.org for details, and try and go next year. If you're single, bring your friends, and not a date. Ha, why bring sand to the beach?

More of the Weekly Evil Y'all!

2008-09-23T12:27:00.001-07:00

Check out the insanely crude yet hilarious reasons why fantasy football is evil. And if you're offended, like "my mom is half fantasy football!" or something, then this video is not for you ... and please, don't blink -- you might miss me! hehe ..

Check out the Weekly Evil!

2008-08-21T23:00:00.000-07:00

It'll be the best 4 minutes of you day. C'mon, I'm supposed to say the sheeet.

Check it!

I went to Bonnaroo, and didn't get high.

2008-06-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

Surprised? Moi aussi! Let me just put this out there, and set the record straight, I don't do drugs, but I thought for sure I would've caught a contact, or something, but no, nothing at all. Hi mom. The only thing I caught was a wiff of grilled chicken and body odor.

If we haven't been thru this before, Bonnaroo is a modern day woodstock for wanna be hippies, music lovers, the high-end red necks, the low-end frat boys, jimmy buffet fans, and everyone else in between. The adult playground is set on a 700 acre farm, with stages, tents, port-o-potties, and nothing but LOVE and good vibes. At one point though, I saw all these stages and tents for miles and I thought, if there were black people in these tents, it be a Katrina relief program, I'm just sayin'.

B'roo as I heard some peeps call it is a anual undergound music and arts festival that showcases some of the most amazing talent from aroud the world. In two days you go from seeing Willy Nelson, MIA, Pearl Jam, Chromeo, Chris Rock, to Metallica - to name a few..oh, and uh um..Michelle Buteau. ha. shut up. I mean, it really is censory overload. I was booked in the comedy tent, a two thousand seater circus tent, the only venue at the festival that had an air condition! Now that's a sassy way of guaranteeing an audience. I hosted for Brain Posehn and Jim Norton. Needless to say, the shows were a gawd damn sausage fest. Nothing but shirtless boys with bandanas, dirty feet in flip flops double fisting plastic cups of brew. Sounds like a party? Um, it was. It was fucking nuts. All you had to say was "What's up BONNNAAARROOOO!" And that was the Thunder Cat call. Kind of like saying Bush Sucks in a gay comedy room, it's just a crowd pleasa, feel me?

Here's the thing though, with a fest like B'roo, you go to have the time of your life, or you go work. But let me say this,- it's the coolest job - EVER. I mean, please, you can have your cubicle, casual friday, and bi-weekly check aka stability anyday. I'd rather pee standing up for 3 days, shout silly ass shit from stage in cowboy boots in the middle of a farm, and have my NAME on the t-shirt for the Bonnaroo 2008 lineup FOREVER. Jesus Christ, I love my job.

Spring Break 08! Titty Shake.

2008-03-21T21:37:00.001-07:00

This year I had the honor of being the warm up act for MTV's Spring Break 08' in Sunny Isles, Florida. I was excited, because well, I don't know..in my mind, I'm thinking "I'm gonna be all cute n funny n stuff, and the producers from MTV will fall in love with me and want to develop a show for me.." hahah, please, bitch.
The shows were hosted by the one and only Tila "Want a shot at love" Tequila

and USA's former beauty queen Tara Conner..

Both ladies, who hosted different shows, were awesome. Lots of peeps want to hear the "real deal", and honestly, these women were on-time, hard working, surprisinly witty non-divas. The kids were the ones who needed a talking to..I got on stage and I'm all .."Hey y'all..my name is Michelle ..Miss Michelle if ya nasty...heeeyy..." haha They were all "Shut up! Where's Tila and my free t-shirt fat bitch?" Oh hell to the no.

Ya know, even when I went to school in Miami, I used to wear clothes. I'm talking bikinis with platforms, and that was just the guys. Shut up. There was this one girl who was 8 months prego, in a bikini - wait for it - and she looked good! Please.
Did I feel old? Um, sure..at times. But I'll tell ya this much, hanging out with the youth is just as educational as hangin' out with the elderly. I'd do it again, but this time I'd totally wear a spank. Okkaaay??

Um, MTV - I'm still waiting for my contract...hehe

Check out www.mtv.com for time & info.

Happy Belated St Paddy's Day. Shut up.

2008-03-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

Saint Patrick's Day has special meaning for me because it's the day I moved to The Big Apple. It was only 7 years ago, but it's that weird time where it feels like it was yesterday but like 10 years ago...I can still remember walking to work on 6th Avenue at 4 in the afternoon, stepping over green vomit and shiny green and orange necklaces. Good times. In an unrelated, but related event, Lewis Black (one of my all time fav comics www.lewisblack.net) has a hot new show on Comedy Central called "The Root of All Evil". Comedy Central's website, The Motherload, (http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/) produces weekly snippets of evil shit featuring rotating comics in NYC & elsewhere. Check out why we find St Paddy's Evil..in a loving, humorous, nasty, way...of course.

30 Years in Africa...

2008-02-28T17:29:00.000-08:00

I've written a one woman show that doesn't suck. I'm proud. It's about my trip to Africa last year for my 30th birthday. Yes, I'm 30 bitches! Um, but I'm also 21 though...from the waist down! Shut up. I perform it tomorrow night for the first time. More to come, I'll let you know how it goes..fingers and flesh flutes crossed. Oh no she didn't.

Guess who's going to Bonnaroo!

2008-02-23T21:09:00.000-08:00

Bonnaroo, if ya don't know, is a four day music festival that started in 2002. It takes place on a farm in Manchester, Tennessee. "A la Woodstock", Bonnaroo's music fest offers multiple stages of live music; including world, hip hop, jazz, americana, bluegrass, country music, folk, gospel, reggae, electronica, and COMEDY!

Check out the line-up. SHUT UP!

South Beach Comedy Festival!

2008-02-19T01:07:00.000-08:00

In January I performed at The South Beach Comedy Festival. Comedy Central produced the shows and it was LOCO! I was part of the Lincoln Road Comedy Show, - a free show on Lincoln Road twice a night featuring 5 up & coming comics around the country. Shut up! You can't tell, but there's hundreds of people sitting, standing, and walking by, hence me losing my voice n stuff. Let me whatcha think!

www.southbeachcomedyfestival.com

Mom & I hit Ireland yo!

2008-02-17T22:37:00.001-08:00

My mother & I took a trip to Dublin for Valentine's Day this year. I performed that weekend at the International Comedy Club. Check it out at http://www.theinternationalcomedyclub.com In this pic we were in Wicklow, the country side of Ireland. We had beaucoup fun, but I don't think my mother has had some many potatoes in so little time. I said it.

The Road of Buteau!

2008-02-17T20:57:00.000-08:00

Shut up! I had no idea my last name was so famous! It's a road somewhere in Brigadoon. Buteau derives from the French word Bateau, which means boat.
My family came on a boat, um, not by choice.

BUTEAUPIA (Boo-toe-pee-yah)

2007-11-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

After many months of writing, planning, producing, editing, and re-editing, the date is FINALLY SET! DECEMBER 4TH on WWW.CDBABY.COM You'll be able to snatch up a copy of some Buteau goodness! Oh hell, I hope you're sitting. It's the perfect Kwanza gift!

Someone has bought my WEBSITE!!!

2007-10-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

From right under me! Some guy in Italy purchased it minutes after it expired Friday, OCtober 26th. The NERVE! So, not sure if I can get MY name back - in the mean time, I'm going to have a new site - details are still being worked out, but I will keep
you updated! Thank you for your emails, comments, & concerns.

They can take the domain from the girl but the girl will always have the name!
Shit.

Shades of Black Final Show for 007'!

2007-10-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

Click here to Purchase Tickets

I got be a video ho!

2007-10-21T16:50:00.001-07:00

I love comedy. And comedy loves me black.

2007-10-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

I’m a comedian. I do comedy. In short, my life has become comedy.
I was getting my hair done at the beauty salon. A young man walked in and said he was selling boot-leg DVDs, and that he had “The Passion of Christ” on DVD. A little old black lady, who didn’t miss a beat, chimed back, “No thanks baby, I’ve got the book.” I thought that was so right on. But then he said, “There’s a book?”

I’ve been doing a lot of traveling as of lately, performing at colleges and universities in the Midwest and the South. At one school I performed at, a kid was heckling me. I shot back, it was a friendly fire of course, and the student body loved it. Then I found out at the end of the show that the kid had turrets. I was recently performing in Kentucky, it was my first time there, and I was really impressed with the hospitality in the South. People kept asking me “How y’all doing? How y’all doing?” I just kept thinking, it’s just me here, but we’re all fine, thank you. I did a show at an aviation college. The students were great, - very sharp and surpringsly charming. Unfortunately, they were all obese and I couldn’t help but think, “How are you going to fly a plane if you can’t even fit into a cock pit?” I just got booked to perform at school that I had applied to and was denied! Now that is going to be a show!

I’ve also been taking acting classes, which has been a crazy amount of fun. While stand-up comedy is my first love, acting is becoming a close second. Losing yourself in a scene is completely therapeutic. I was doing a cold reading with my partner in class last week. My character gets angry in the scene, so I gave her a little sass. My acting teacher stopped us and asked me if I was a black person. Confused, I said “Uh, yeah...I’m black.” Lovingly, he said “That’s why that attitude comes so natural for you. Go with that.” These are the moments in my life where I’d like to think “What would Oprah do?”

A very close friend of mine recently came out to her family. She was pretty upset about telling them she was gay. I told her I could empathize. It’s always an awkward moment when I have tell people I’m black.

You know, people often say “You can’t make this stuff up!” and “The jokes just write themselves!” I’d like to meet these people. I’d like to shake their hand, and say “Right on!” But mostly, I’d like to find out if they do comedy and if they’re black.

Head over heels.

2007-09-13T03:32:00.000-07:00

I love wearing heels, but sometimes, the don't love me back. If you're wearing heels, and you feel like your pinky toe has a heartbeat, you might wanna take your shoes off. -- And accept that you might be the type of girl who needs to rock flats or kitten heels. The sooner you learn that the happier you'll be! Some shoes aren't even made for walking. Guess you're just supposed to leave them on. Oh hell to the no.

RetroVision Media.

2007-09-13T03:28:00.000-07:00

I did a show after I went on an impromptu hike at a friend's house. As a comic, you have to get off whatever is on your chest! (no pun) I didn't know that RetroVision Media was there taping..either way, I felt better! Don't judge.

"Buteaupia" (Boo-Toe-Pee-Yeah)

2007-09-13T03:24:00.000-07:00

I recorded an album a couple of weeks ago. The taping was AMAZING. I performed for an hour, and it felt like 10 minutes. Seriously, I felt so after this taping I wanted to go bathing suit shopping. Shut up. The album will be out the beginning of October. It's gonna be so good it's bad! Aww, hell no.

Where it all started!

2007-09-13T03:20:00.000-07:00

This year my mom turned 60, I made 30, & my parents reached 40 years of marriage!
We had a crazy party in Miami. They're too cute! Dontcha' think?

Bloopers!

2007-09-13T03:18:00.000-07:00

I was making a reel for the Home Shopping Network with some friends & made a boo boo. They didn't let it go...

Jamaica's International Comedy Festival!

2007-06-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

I'm going back to my mother's mother land to perform! If you know anyone in Kingston who would like to come, please pass the 411 along. It's gonna be so good it's bad.
Prices in JA currency, of course.

Love ya like cooked food,
Michelle B *

R.I.P.

2007-05-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

I ripped my jeans the other night, and it wasn't for the style ...

I went to go sit down in a taxi, and my jeans ripped right by my crouch. It made a huge farting noise. The taxi driver looked at me like he was confused, well, so was I. I didn't tell him my jeans ripped.

I would rather have him think I farted then ripped my jeans. Either way, I need a new pair of jeans and a very big hug.

Norah Jones? Jordin Sparks?

2007-05-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

Seems like I can't go anywhere without someone saying I look like Jordin or Norah!
Does every girl with curly hair and full lips look alike?

Maybe some older hung-over version..shit.

Dance Fever!

2007-01-30T03:53:00.000-08:00

My friend Jennifer's niece Shannon is in a dance competition like every other weekend, and the chick is always winning 1st or 2nd place! Look out J-Lo~.

Why not?

2007-01-16T23:50:00.000-08:00

Forget about Angelina & Brad. These 2 are my favorite power couple.
Think America's ready?

Travelzoo Unleashed!

2007-01-11T02:39:00.000-08:00

Check out a video I shot for WWW.TRAVELZOO.COM where I discover the hidden treasures of our nation's capital. Can you dig?

URGE Driving Commerical!

2007-01-11T02:29:00.000-08:00

Check out a commerical I shot for URGE Music.
Currently airing on MTV and VH1!
Let me know whatcha think!
I'm going to keep doing this!

Bonne Année! Happy New Year!

2007-01-07T03:18:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Suga Plums! What did YOU end up doing? There's alot of pressure to do something cool/fun/affordable, and yes, that's a tall order for one night. Remember, it's what you do with the year, not that night! But hey nah, I had beaucoup fun....

I spent the last hours of the year in the West Village. This is a wall of rememberance for the 9/11 victims.

I performed at The Comedy Village. - www.comedyvillage.com

007 round' the corner!

Before the show, I had dinner with some family and friends...

My cuz Sabrina & I are very happy with our resolutions!

My Goddaughter...

2006-12-11T04:34:00.000-08:00

is sooo adorable you'd want to eat her up with a spork!

she was a princess for Halloween this year, which in my opinion, is good practice for later...

She's a great kid.
Just can't take her to tthe movies...she'll forever beg the question "Why...why...why..but WHY??" Gotta love it.

70's Party Gone Wrong..

2006-11-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

My mom does fundraising for the poor and needy in western Jamaica..her organization thought it would be fun idea to have a 70's theme party to raise money..this is what we came up with. Um, yes, we're sober..but next year, I'll just write a check.

Carnival Massive!

2006-11-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

Carnival? Or Mandingo on the Eastern Parkway? Essshh.The West Indian American Day Carnival is the biggest parade, street fair, or festival in New York! I think it's simply the hottest cultural event of the year..awwww, don't be scared. Here you'll find hundreds of festive floats, bass kickin', booty jumpin, rum drinkin' mo fo's.

Ha! My song is jumpin, while Lisa tryin' to meet up with friends - Sabrina's always good about taking pictures.

FYI: It's not just on Labor Day, there are four days of events and activities leading up to the big parade, most of them including calypso and steel bands..in New York of course, we just have time for one day...

Ya mon, hug up time...

Wha,,,the rum is startin' to kick in!

Kevin is reppin' to fullest!

After jumping (dancing) for a couple of hours, we went to a cute after party where we rested.( www.ripplebar.com) We might've been a little sore the next day from all the activity, but ya can't find a better party any other day of the year.

My Birthday Roast.

2006-08-28T03:09:00.000-07:00

For my 29th Birthday this year, my friends threw me a roast. I got roasted. Then I got toasted. Ever have one of those nights where the pictures tell the story? Well, here are the pictures...Some of them anyway. I don't know how I managed to have 2 bottles of wine in 2 hours by myself, but I did. I was more then 'Sideways'. It was a great night. So I was told...

Shelley Wade hosted the event. She's an amazing friend and party planner. I felt like a Puerto Rican Princess! And I'm not even Puerto Rican...Amazing.

Becky Donohue was the Master of Ceremonies. I do remember the beginning. She was hilarious. She said, and I quote - "Lesbians have better taste in men the Michelle for gawd sakes!" Classic.

Uncle Dick performed a few songs. They're great if you haven't seen them. I don't know how they've managed to have 5 or 6 songs about anal sex. But they do it. And they do it well. The singing that is...

One of my oldest friends, Jennifer Wellman, had much to say about me. Even though she's not a comic, she's still funny. J Wellman - "I know I'm not a comic, and this may not be funny, but I've been to alot of comedy shows and have seen you guys, and either are some of you..." I love it!

Rasheem Nurse is also one of my closest friends. "Her family feed me one time, and I just kept goin' back...they don't even know my name, they just call me the black guy." I wish that wasn't true!
Comic Elon James White TRIED to roast me, but I don't remember him having any jokes. Just sweating alot... buah!
Carolyn Vink, a New York City comic, let me know who said it first ...Wanda Sykes apparently. So?
I'm trying to write notes in retaliation. Only would've worked sober. Or even tipsy.

Comic Josh Filipowski had his girlfriend Megan draw a chicken wing on his face! A dream come true. It's the little things.
Comic Baron Vaughn said I looked like the fat Lil' Kim. That's original.

Eric Andre said I look like a broke Lisa Bonet. Then got me a shot if tequila. Then I threw up. Thanks Eric.

Comedy Village comic & booker PJ Landers as Michelle Buteau in drag. So scary how good he looks with brown tits and in those jeans. He's fucking hysterical. Comic Al De Bene took time off from watching Dane Cook to come down and roast me..I love you Al! "How do you take a shitty comedy club and make it shittier?"

Oh gawd. The beginning of the end. I'm trying to roast people back...with wine and a slice of pizza in hand...
Oh yeah, and this is the part of the evening where Becky gives up trying to get the mic back, and I get all Oprah and shit.

Me: "No matter how old you are...follow your dreams!!"

Audience: "Shut up drunk bitch! Where's the cake?"

This cake look fabulous. I had no idea I had cake till I saw the pics! Whatta shame.

And it looks good on too!

Aight, party's over. Time to carry the drunk bitch to the car, then call her for the next 2 weeks to recap the party over and over and over and over again. Thank you.

Photos were taken by Brian Van Nieuwenhoven. Check his website out @ www.485i.com

He takes amazing pics and will even hook up a website for you.

The above pics are a recap of the roast, for more, check out the link below.

http://http://www.flickr.com/photos/brianvan/sets/72157594209699521/

Lucky.

2006-08-02T06:11:00.000-07:00

I complain alot. I should remind myself how lucky I am. How easy I have it.
This is a reminder to myself. It's not so fucking bad.

Juan Bago Jr. - Mi casa es su casa.

2006-08-01T22:55:00.000-07:00

Last year I filmed a movie in Washington Heights, (Dominican Harlem) called Juan Bago. It was an off the hook good time. I'm Haitian, but the minute I got on set, (which was complete with Bachata music, Reggaeton, good eats, and "Yo Momma's so Puerto Rican" snaps) I knew I was at home away from home.

The crew: "Bitch! Haitian? You Dominican!"

Me:"Um, okay."

www.nylatinofilm.com

The movie premiered Friday, July 28th, in the New York Latino Film Festival!
Was an amazing time -- big shout outs to Michael Diaz, (the star, writer, producer, and mayor of The Heights)and everyone I met and worked with on the film. They're a amazing & talented.

I play Natalie, an annoying co-worker.
I know, you're thinking, "Michelle? Annoying?" It was a stretch.

"Hey Juuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Island of Hispanola isn't too big.

"You complete me!"

Maroon; more then just a color.

2006-06-27T03:29:00.000-07:00

I went out to dinner with my Mom tonight. She's visiting from Miami this week, and while she's a great cook, this is a mini vaca of sorts, so I decided to take her out for eats. Momma Dukes' is from Jamaica, so what do I do? Take her to a Jamaican restaurant. I know, so original. I've heard the girls in the hair shop talk about this new Jamaican restaurant in the city named Maroon's. And if you make it you on a good night, there's jazz, cute brothas with good credit, and a "Southern Comfort" side of the menu, as well as Jamaican. Interested? Thought so. Gets better -

As we're approaching the joint, Mom asks me what side of the rue the restraurant is on. I'm all, "Hello? The maroon awning for MAROON?" Then she broke down the meaning of the word "Maroon" in Jamaica. "Maroon" is a generic term to describe fugitive slaves from plantations under the British rule. They fled to the mountains, created their own tribes, and later befriended mulattoes to gain equality. Wow. And I was just out for some jerk chicken and some pepper shrimp.

The 411; The ambiance was charming, for Chelsea. Although the tables were a bit on top of each other, everyone respected your personal space and the staff was more then accommodating. Mom & I had the codfish fritters and pepper shrimp for appetizers, the ox tail and jerk chicken for dinner, and bread pudding a la mode with rum raisin for dessert. Everything was gawd damn tatsy, and came out the kitchen (which had all Mexican chefs) promptly. And anyone who's been to a Caribbean restaurant knows that's a plus. While Maroon's might make a good date place, I don't recommend it for large parties. Was a good night. Had good food, and learned a little something too.

Maroon is so much more then just a color, then again, so is Black.

244 W. 16th St.
between Seventh and Eighth Aves.
212-206-8640

Mitra! (Hindi for friend)

2006-06-07T02:20:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends, Sonal got married. MARRIED. Jesus, I can't find anyone I like past 3 weeks! I gotta admit, I'm happy for the bitch! Although she lives in London with her new husband, as he's British, she had a traditional Indian wedding (in Edison, NJ - long story) with non-traditional parts, like bride's maids!
(From left: Boston Michelle/Lex/Sonal/Moi)

It was a 3 day long celebration with 6 ceremonies complete with 6 Indian outfits. (My favorite part) There was family from all over the world - India, England, Africa, and the west coast. There was a crazy amount of food, drums, dancing, laughing, crying, shouting, picture taking, safety pin saving, "damnit my cell phone is dead!" bridezilla having moments that I wouldn't trade for anything!

By the end of the weekend, I was ready to go on my first Bollywood audition!
Somebody stop me.
No, please, STOP ME.

Congrats Sonal & Gavin!! I "love ya to bits"!

Drowned Alive. Really?

2006-05-08T01:55:00.000-07:00

I visited The Metropolitan Opera House to check out David Blaine's latest stunt. It's called 'Drowned Alive'. The title confused me. I mean, what other way would you drown? And most importantly, where's the illusion? David fasted 5 days before submerging himself in a tank full of water where he'll hang out for 7 days, being feed through a tube. So, no solid food for 7 days. Um, hello? People do that everyday in Africa for free. This Monday, May 8th, when David is released from his tank, he will attempt to hold his breath for 9 whole minutes, with the hopes of beating the world record - 8 minutes, 58 seconds. Um, this is what happens when you don't hug your kids my friends.

Talking to the peeps in the plaza about David was not as cute as I thought it would be. Sure, they were nice, but I couldn't help but feel a weird cult sensation. People loved him. LOVED HIM. Like really loved him. They thought his endurance was amazing. Then other people thought he was just plain crazy.
I got a chance to interview David. I was little taken aback by how cute he was! Damn. Now you know that's game. Pimpin' all half nourished and shit from a fish tank.

Check out WWW.WNBC.COM Go down to the bottom of the page to 'Must See Video'.

Shersha! - Gaelic for Freedom..

2006-05-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

This January I went to Dublin with 2 very good friends. As my Mom would say, "We were a trip without a suitcase." Everything was stupid amount of fun. We performed stand up. We drank loads of beer. We doubled down on potatoes. We met really cute boys with accents. We drank more beer! After a while, the bartender just gave up and let us pour our own pint. I heart that place.

Yankees Opening Day.

2006-04-26T06:18:00.000-07:00

I went to Yankees Stadium Opening day. I have never been. It wasn't that I felt uncomfortable, but I must admit, I've never seen so many white people go to the Bronx. Interesting. The subway ride wasn't your typical ride either. It was like a long line at Disney World, or Great Adventure. Everyone was excited. There was a buzz in the air, and I'm not just talking about the train or urine smell. Interesting. It's a Tuesday afternoon, and there are people in suits with Yankees hats, little kids who should be in school, pregnant woman in MATERNITY YANKEES wear at a stadium! Interesting. It was almost like I was witnessing a cult, a great, traditional, good ol'boy cult. Weird. There were people from every corner of the earth! Sooo excited to watch this game! Okay, it's got nine fucken chapters?! Innings! Whatever. Am I wrong? I'd so much rather get a manicure/pedicure..but I do like to watch those boys run around in tight pants. That is better then cable.

I talked to some crazy fans for WWW.WNBC.COM

Check it out!

http://www.wnbc.com/sports/8623477/detail.html?taf=ny

My Interview with Damon Wayans.

2005-12-06T03:36:00.000-08:00

So has been a productive year. Not only did I get a chance to perform on Comedy Central's Premium Blend, I got a chance to interview the host, Damon Wayans!

I've dabbled with entertainment reporting before, but realized quickly it wasn't for me.
Just can't see myself waiting outside for hours, leaning over a rope, sucking someone's ass for a sound byte. Can you?

But this was a great opportunity - I got to visit the set before performing, have my interview be seen my millions of people (in my mind anyway) online, and meet MOTHA FUCKIN' DAMON WAYANS!

When he walked into the room the first thing I noticed was how tall he was. Yes sa', he is a tall cup of coffee if ya know what I'm sayin..
(I don't know what I'm sayin..)

I figured I'd ask him the hard, pressing questions that his fans have always wanted to know like

"Chicken wings? Or Chicken tenders?"

"Biggy or Tupac?"

You get the idea. I couldn't do it. I couldn't break him! No laughing, smiling, heavy breathing, nada! It was super obvious, my homey da clown is NOT givin' me the funny unless there's a paycheck involved. Wow. Maybe I'll be like that 25 years from now. Yeah, prob. not.

At the end of the interview, I asked him to rate it on a scale from 1 to 10. He said 3. On camera!
So I looked in the camera and said, "YEAH! If 1 was the GREATEST!" Then I said "Man, I'm over you Marlon."

Good times everyone. I hope Comedy Central will call again, cause I don't think Damon will anytime soon. Damon, if you're out there, I forgive you sweety.

You can check out my interview w/Damon @ http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/premium_blend/index.jhtml
and click on his lovely face.

Dry Fruit.

2005-12-06T02:44:00.000-08:00

I had to go food shopping, and wanted to shop healthy. My father told me I should buy alot of fruits and vegetables. So, I went to Fairway. I went off peak hours cause if you've ever been to Fairway, you know the security line @ JFK moves quicker. Damn.

Anyhoo -

I'm picking out oranges, and I see a mouse in the oranges! I swear, you can't make that shit up.
So I get a guy that works there.

I'm like, "Hey man, there's a mouse in the oranges!"

And he's all "No there's not, I don't see one.."
(like I'm carzy & making shit up)

And I'm all "LOOK MAN! He's right there!"
(having no idea how to tell the anatomy on a mouse)

And I swear to you, so not a joke, the mouse looked @ me, looked @ him, pissed on a orange, then went back into the pile.

And without a beat, homeboy then says "Look, it's gone, so you can pick from the top."

SWEET.

Moral of the story?

Buy dried fruits & vegetables.

Welcome to my first blog, which sounds much like flem, mucas, something you need to take an expectorant for. Just moi?